1 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,554 It's monday. Why not? 2 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,935 Hello. 3 00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,938 Hello. 4 00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,474 Can you say hello? Hello! 5 00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:33,998 - hello. - hello. 6 00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,047 We'll talk later. 7 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,648 Who's the jailbird? 8 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:41,084 - a little obvious. - it's a little obvious. 9 00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,852 - morning, guys. - hello. 10 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:47,157 Hey, I see you Met, uh, crackers. 11 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:48,358 Crackers? 12 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,727 You thought I was obvious. 13 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,629 I take it crackers Belongs to you. 14 00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,130 Yeah. 15 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:55,998 Yeah, I got him this morning. 16 00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:58,235 He's kind of cute, ain't he? 17 00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:01,671 I also take it he is not A permanent addition 18 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,706 To our squad. 19 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,309 No, no, I'm gonna Take him home tonight. 20 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,877 Yeah. 21 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,281 I, uh, saw him in a pet-shop Window this morning, 22 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,749 And, uh... 23 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,785 I don't know, I just Had to have him. 24 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,254 That's not surprising. 25 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,590 People have been fascinated By exotic birds for centuries. 26 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,693 Chinese noblemen were so Enamored of these creatures 27 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,895 They let them fly Inside the palace. 28 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,698 Inspiration for egg-drop soup. 29 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,289 I'm walking. 30 00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:35,004 I hope you and crackers Will be very happy. 31 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,239 Oh, yeah. 32 00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,808 I mean, I figure a bird, You know, is no problem. 33 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,178 They don't get in your way. 34 00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:44,013 They stay in their Cage, you know? 35 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,883 And, well, they Respect your privacy. 36 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,219 And they don't go Trying to change you. 37 00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,088 Don't talk back. 38 00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:53,323 Not yet. 39 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:56,826 Oh! What a beautiful morning! 40 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,829 Little hazy on the meadow. 41 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,898 Forget it. 42 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,668 You're in a good Mood this morning. 43 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,838 Purpose is our nexus... 44 00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:11,641 The common thread that Binds our lives as one. 45 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,943 You know who said that? 46 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,779 I did. 47 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,013 In here. 48 00:02:17,037 --> 00:02:20,049 My book about us... It's gonna be published. 49 00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,618 Wojo: hey, all right! 50 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,053 You're kidding! 51 00:02:23,077 --> 00:02:24,487 Thank you, barney. 52 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,989 I mean, congratulations. 53 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,124 That's quite a breakthrough. 54 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,258 Yeah. 55 00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:30,960 Barn, if this book hits, 56 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,530 It's gonna mean a Paperback deal... 57 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:38,501 A magazine serialization, Movie version. 58 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,371 Of course, I'm gonna Be working here 59 00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,274 At least through The end of the day. 60 00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,274 I appreciate that. 61 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,876 No, no, I got it. 62 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,212 Barn? We got a jumper. 63 00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:50,980 Some guy's trying To leap off a ledge. 64 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,615 All right, uh, you and dietrich. 65 00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,954 Wojo, is that your parrot? 66 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,789 Yeah, I just got Him this morning. 67 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,625 Hey, hey, look, man, um, 68 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,495 I really didn't mean To one-up your bird. 69 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,631 You know, with my book and all. 70 00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,434 It's okay. 71 00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:13,659 He didn't want to Ruffle your feathers. 72 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,696 Maybe I'll do Better on the ledge. 73 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,584 Particularly amusing section? 74 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,719 Yeah, it's about you. 75 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,220 Really? 76 00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:40,990 Oh, it's not at Your expense, barn. 77 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,226 It's just one of those Clever things you say, 78 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:46,429 You know, when you want Us to get back to work. 79 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,830 Good. 80 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,932 Then I don't have to come Up with something new. 81 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,557 Uh, back to work. 82 00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:58,908 What happened To "Precinct diary"? 83 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,444 Oh, uh, the title? 84 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,047 Well, barn, they figured It needed something 85 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,548 A little less academic, 86 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,817 You know, a little More provocative? 87 00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,152 "Blood on the badge"? 88 00:05:10,176 --> 00:05:12,922 Catchy, huh? 89 00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,459 Oh, barn, did you, uh... 90 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,817 Want to take a look At the dedication? 91 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,905 "To captain miller. 92 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,709 "Written with all The... Admiration 93 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:38,715 Befitting a respected superior And a truly good friend." 94 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,418 That's really nice. 95 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:45,955 Which is why I really Hate to bring this up. 96 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,091 Release? 97 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,392 Yeah, barn, it's Just a formality. 98 00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:53,029 You know how publishers Worry about lawsuits, 99 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,031 Libel, defamation Of character... 100 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,322 Just silly little Things like that. 101 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,404 I'll be in my office. 102 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,294 I'll hold your calls. 103 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,877 Leave me alone! What did You have to stop me for!? 104 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,379 I wasn't drawing a crowd! 105 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,914 It's a fickle city. 106 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:13,249 I didn't ask anybody To save my life! 107 00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:15,918 We don't require An invitation, mr., uh... 108 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:16,953 Walter elkins. 109 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:17,954 Mr. Elkins. 110 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,255 Yeah, uh, barn? 111 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,823 He was on a 12th-floor ledge, 112 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:23,626 And he was screaming and Waving a telephone around. 113 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,227 That's when we yanked him in. 114 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:26,295 A telephone? 115 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:27,997 I couldn't take it anymore. 116 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,267 I mean, my job... It Finally just got to me! 117 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:34,637 Mr. Elkins works as a Volunteer on a suicide hotline. 118 00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,739 Really? 119 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,374 Until now. 120 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,277 All day, all night, They never stop calling. 121 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,679 "I'm so depressed, walter!" 122 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:43,813 "Nobody likes me, walter!" 123 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,448 "I'm such a schlump, walter!" 124 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:47,450 - mr. Elkins... - walter. 125 00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:51,053 Walter... The last Straw was the lady. 126 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,223 She calls every Day. The same junk! 127 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,494 "Life is pointless. The world is sick. 128 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,229 People are better off dead." 129 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:04,433 I finally realized... She's right. 130 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:08,270 Come on, things are Never as bad as they seem. 131 00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:12,408 Don't you think I've said that? 132 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,879 Uh, have a seat Over there, mr., uh... 133 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,449 Dietrich, you want to, uh... 134 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:20,639 Sit down over there, walt? 135 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,844 Look alive! 136 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,628 Might as well call bellevue. 137 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,229 Yeah. 138 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,897 It's crazy, though, huh? 139 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:35,865 I mean... 140 00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,867 Guy wants to help people so bad 141 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,602 He ends up needing help himself. 142 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,270 Hmm. 143 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,172 Unfortunately, 144 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:47,877 A little compassion can Often lead to a lot of sorrow. 145 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,679 That's pretty good. 146 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,414 Appropriate. 147 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:55,106 A lot better than "Things Are never as bad as they seem." 148 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,044 I'll call bellevue. 149 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,995 Photographs, fingerprints. 150 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,164 You're wasting your Time on a dead man. 151 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,032 It's a slow day. 152 00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:12,334 They've already drained Me of every human feeling. 153 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:15,038 I'm... I'm a zombie 154 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:18,708 Just trudging around On instinct alone. 155 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:21,032 "Night of the living dead." 156 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:23,480 What? 157 00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:24,881 Classic horror film 158 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,916 Where the dead come Back to haunt the earth, 159 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,519 Eternally condemned To sustain themselves 160 00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:32,110 By the eating of human flesh. 161 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,592 You don't scare me. 162 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,849 I'm still gonna kill myself. 163 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,385 Bon apetit. 164 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,700 - say, arthur. - yes. 165 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,367 - you got a minute? - sure. 166 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:48,237 I, uh, I assume you're Familiar with this. 167 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,972 Yeah, it's a standard Release form. 168 00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,674 Yeah, everybody's Got to sign one. 169 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,578 It's, you know, Just a formality. 170 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,045 No, thanks. 171 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,480 Hmm? 172 00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:59,616 I don't want to sign it. 173 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,383 Oh, what's the matter? 174 00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:04,620 Oh, you, uh, want to Read the manuscript first? 175 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,756 No, I'm sure it's fine. 176 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,492 Then why won't you Sign the release? 177 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:13,029 It's personal. I'd Rather not discuss it. 178 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:16,465 Hey, look, man, if You don't sign it, 179 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:19,157 You know, I'm gonna have To cut you out of the book. 180 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,425 Okay. 181 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:26,275 Yeah, well, um, you know, It would be no great loss, 182 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,978 But, uh, I got some Publishers waiting. 183 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,069 Oh, that's too bad. 184 00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,685 Well, I signed it. 185 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:37,709 Thanks. 186 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:43,392 I don't know how Personal he gets. 187 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,161 I've just been kind of Skimming through it. 188 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,229 But, uh... 189 00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:51,935 I have already come across A few references to me that... 190 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:57,941 A less liberal-minded person Might consider unwarranted, 191 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,976 Even libelous. 192 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,412 You? He generally Refers to you as the... 193 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:07,049 "The captain's lovely lady." 194 00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,373 No, I wouldn't sue Over that, either. 195 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,324 Uh... Liz? 196 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,560 I'll get... I'll Get back to you. 197 00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,495 Yeah, I'll call you back. 198 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,419 Wojo? 199 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,367 He's dead. 200 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,668 In the cage? 201 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,993 Where else? 202 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,562 Wojo! 203 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,511 Not him. 204 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,580 Crackers. 205 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,871 Oh, thank god. 206 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,360 One minute he's chirping away, 207 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:55,052 And the next minute He's flat out on his back. 208 00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:59,702 What does that mean? There's no warranty? 209 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:02,560 Well, you sold me A defective bird. 210 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,863 I don't know what went wrong. 211 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:11,914 No, he didn't say Anything before he died. 212 00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,684 No, I didn't abuse him! 213 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,919 I didn't even get him Out of the squad room, I... 214 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,021 The squad room. 215 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:21,190 Yeah, that's Right, 12th precinct, 216 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,592 Right around the corner. 217 00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:25,027 Listen, I want... Hello? 218 00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,217 Hey! 219 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:30,099 Pbht! 220 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,267 No refund. 221 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:34,771 He told me to stuff it. 222 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:37,161 Taxidermy's one option. 223 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:41,978 Well? 224 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,015 Well, what? 225 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,650 What are you gonna do with him? 226 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,085 You can't just Leave him lying there. 227 00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:52,622 What, you want me to dump him? 228 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,123 Well, I mean... 229 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,125 I know I only had Him a few hours, okay, 230 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,160 But I did get kind Of attached to him. 231 00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:59,528 I'm sure you did, but... 232 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,931 I'd feel funny just Throwing him in the garbage. 233 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,600 I'm not suggesting that. 234 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,035 He's too big for the toilet. 235 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,103 Wojo! 236 00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,239 You don't have to make The final arrangements 237 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,506 This very minute, 238 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,575 But I would appreciate It if you would make him 239 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,910 A little less conspicuous. 240 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:15,934 Gotcha. 241 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,084 Can I help you? 242 00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:26,622 They told me downstairs that Mr. Elkins would be up here. 243 00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,557 Yeah, he's over there. 244 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,626 May I speak to him? 245 00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:31,928 Sure you can. 246 00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,952 Oh. 247 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,759 Walter? 248 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,506 Hmm? 249 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,642 I don't understand. 250 00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:49,912 How could you have Done something like this? 251 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:53,182 It goes against Everything you've ever said, 252 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:58,020 Everything you believe in. 253 00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,189 Who the hell are you? 254 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:03,459 I'm myrna dunbar. 255 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,261 So? 256 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,731 We were talking on the Telephone earlier today. 257 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,733 Oh, god. 258 00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,068 Schizo myrna? 259 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,170 Right. 260 00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,106 We were having that Nice conversation. 261 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,741 Then, suddenly, I heard a scream. 262 00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:24,881 And then they told me you Tried to jump off the building. 263 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,738 Was it something I said? 264 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,694 You want a cut of the royalties. 265 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,029 Is... Is that it? 266 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,053 Excuse me. 267 00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,001 What is it with him? 268 00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,303 He say anything to you? 269 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,759 My bird died. 270 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,444 It always happens. 271 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:56,545 Everything's going great, 272 00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,447 And something's Got to screw it up. 273 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,516 Problems? 274 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,652 Dietrich. He won't Sign the release. 275 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,321 And I thought wojo Would be the problem. 276 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,623 That's certainly Dietrich's prerogative. 277 00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,292 I, myself, am having A few difficulties... 278 00:14:10,316 --> 00:14:11,960 If he doesn't sign it, barney, 279 00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,563 I'm gonna have to write him out. 280 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,799 That's one solution. 281 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:18,890 Barn... 282 00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,738 This is not easy for me to say, 283 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:26,876 But dietrich makes Two of my best chapters. 284 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,578 Sorry to hear that. 285 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,214 What is it you want of me? 286 00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,317 Well, I-I thought You might, you know, 287 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,353 Have a few words with him. 288 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:41,023 Oh? And say what? 289 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:44,961 You know, the usual stuff. 290 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:49,732 You mean possibly Offer him some of my, um... 291 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:53,502 "Unique mixture of compassion, Logic, and perspective, 292 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,237 "Ladled out in liberal 293 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,340 And occasionally Ponderous portions"? 294 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:01,877 Barney, you're up to That chapter already? 295 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,413 Just caught my eye. 296 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,914 Barn, what I meant was... 297 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:08,717 Why don't you tell Dietrich what you told me... 298 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,653 Perhaps he'll sign. 299 00:15:12,646 --> 00:15:15,123 I suppose. 300 00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:17,014 Then that'll leave only one. 301 00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,856 What did you do with the bird? 302 00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,595 Is that today's paper? 303 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,910 I didn't read it yet. 304 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,453 Is someone going to get that? 305 00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,542 I am. 306 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,195 Nobody answered. 307 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,965 Nobody ever knocks. May I help you? 308 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,500 They told me Downstairs I could find... 309 00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,102 Hey! 310 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,470 Him. 311 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,038 What are you doing here, huh? 312 00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,173 Come over to pawn off Another dead parrot? 313 00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,409 Please, don't raise your voice. 314 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,744 I only came to settle. 315 00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:09,879 Oh, yeah? 316 00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,246 Whoa, whoa, what's Going on here? 317 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,649 This is the crook that Sold me a defective bird. 318 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,984 Wojo. Let's cut the insults. 319 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,421 Let him do what he wants. 320 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,356 Verbal abuse I can take. 321 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:24,493 But a dissatisfied customer Makes for very bad business. 322 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,962 What's this? 323 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,030 The money. 324 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,734 $225... It's all yours. 325 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:35,203 Now I'll just show myself out. 326 00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,639 Hey, wait, wait, wait a minute. 327 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,407 It's not enough? 328 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,008 Yeah, sure. 329 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,710 No, whoa, whoa, whoa. 330 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,813 Oh, you'd like a few more Dollars for the inconvenience. 331 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:45,848 I understand. 332 00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,116 No! 333 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,384 Oh, you want another bird! 334 00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:50,986 Or maybe you'd Rather have a bunny? 335 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,788 Hold it, hold it, Hold it, hold it. 336 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,891 Mr., uh... Tragash, Samuel tragash. 337 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,793 Mr. Tragash, I'm captain miller. 338 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,728 A pleasure. 339 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:03,298 There seems to be some Misunderstanding here. 340 00:17:03,322 --> 00:17:05,000 What's to be misunderstood? 341 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,736 He's entitled to the Money. He should have it. 342 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,238 Makes sense. 343 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,875 But didn't you tell Sergeant wojciehowicz 344 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:14,176 You didn't give refunds? 345 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,044 Oh, that was before. 346 00:17:16,068 --> 00:17:17,279 Before what? 347 00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:21,538 Before I knew he was a Preferential customer. 348 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,922 Mr. Tragash, does this Have anything to do 349 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,624 With the fact that Sergeant wojciehowicz 350 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:29,892 Is a police officer? 351 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,996 Heavens, no, that's Just a happy coincidence. 352 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,332 So you just thought it over 353 00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:40,569 And decided it was the Right thing to do, right? 354 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:41,971 My very thoughts. 355 00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:45,373 Just somehow I'm Getting the impression 356 00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,776 That you think if you don't Give sergeant wojciehowicz 357 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,912 That money, something's Gonna happen to you. 358 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,448 Oh, that's ridiculous. 359 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,182 Sure is. 360 00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,674 Mr. Tragash, have A seat, will you? 361 00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:04,281 There are people who Know I've come here. 362 00:18:06,152 --> 00:18:09,932 You're the one person Who's kept me going 363 00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,001 These last few months. 364 00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:15,237 And now you try And kill yourself. 365 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,772 I feel responsible. 366 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,441 Oh, it's nothing to do with you. 367 00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:22,344 Not at all? 368 00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,447 Don't worry about it. 369 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,314 I worry about everything. 370 00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:27,582 I know. 371 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,185 I mean, there's so Much desolation... 372 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,577 I'm really not in The mood, myrna. 373 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:40,729 I was just reading this Article about the boat people. 374 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:41,997 Oh, please! 375 00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:45,901 When I think about those Poor people drifting 376 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:48,504 Like flotsam and jetsom... 377 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,838 Nobody wanting them. 378 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:50,973 Don't do this. 379 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,475 I can't help realizing 380 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,310 The meaninglessness Of our existence, 381 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:58,313 The utter emptiness And desolation of life. 382 00:18:58,337 --> 00:19:00,783 Myrna... The inevitable doom... 383 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,773 Oh, for god's sakes, hang up! 384 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,222 Just relax a Moment, mr. Tragash. 385 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:08,691 I'll get you a cup of coffee. 386 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,292 Look, I can see you Fellows are busy. 387 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,061 I'll just get out of your hair. 388 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:13,195 Take just a moment. 389 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:14,329 I'm only making problems. 390 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:15,463 Would you wait a minute? 391 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,499 I'll show myself out. 392 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,001 - freeze! - oh, god! 393 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:23,872 Mr. Tragash, we just Can't let you leave like this. 394 00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:26,508 Exactly how do you mean that? 395 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:30,212 I mean under a completely Mistaken impression. 396 00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:33,382 Oh, really? 397 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:37,686 Look, I know how You guys operate. 398 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,054 Hmm? 399 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,590 A citation for this, A citation for that, 400 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,426 A little rough stuff, and The next thing you know, 401 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,628 I'm out peddling pencils. 402 00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,029 You're crazy! 403 00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:49,231 Okay. 404 00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:50,465 Mr. Tragash, 405 00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,802 Have you even had any Experience like that before? 406 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:57,672 I mean, have any of my men, Or anyone from this precinct, 407 00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:01,310 Ever harassed or Brutalized you that way? 408 00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:04,246 Well, no. 409 00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:09,051 But you see, I moved to The city only recently. 410 00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,952 From where? 411 00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:12,588 Philadelphia. 412 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:16,024 - oh! - oh! 413 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,527 And the way he yelled At me on the phone... 414 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,962 But I always do that! 415 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,532 I mean, I wasn't Yelling at you as a cop. 416 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,134 I was yelling at You as a person. 417 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:28,970 I see. 418 00:20:28,994 --> 00:20:32,073 We just want to be treated Like human beings around here... 419 00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,008 Not any better And not any worse. 420 00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:36,545 - really? - really. 421 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,247 Then I'll take back the money. 422 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,981 - thank you. - you're welcome. 423 00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,605 Good day, gentlemen. 424 00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,891 Something went wrong there. 425 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,461 I don't mean to depress people. 426 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:57,132 I guess it's just a gift I have. 427 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:59,067 Sure. 428 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:03,471 You know, whenever I call the hotline, 429 00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:07,509 I always ask for You, specially... 430 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,378 Even if I have to wait. 431 00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:13,348 I'm flattered. 432 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:18,586 And sometimes I call 433 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:22,412 Even if I'm not depressed. 434 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:26,251 Really. 435 00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:29,664 Just to talk to you... 436 00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:35,704 Because I think you have So many appealing qualities. 437 00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,706 Yeah? 438 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:41,043 I mean, I think you have 439 00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:44,079 A wonderful sense of the ironic. 440 00:21:44,103 --> 00:21:47,215 Like this, for instance. 441 00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:50,574 Thanks. 442 00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,212 Walter, we're going soon. 443 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,495 They're taking me to bellevue. 444 00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:03,287 Oh, they have a very Nice brunch there. 445 00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:08,692 Anyway, uh... 446 00:22:10,096 --> 00:22:14,009 I want to apologize for Yelling at you before. 447 00:22:14,033 --> 00:22:18,468 Actually, I really Appreciate you coming down. 448 00:22:21,307 --> 00:22:23,251 I guess I better go now. 449 00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:24,408 But... 450 00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,358 Here. 451 00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:31,393 What is it? 452 00:22:31,417 --> 00:22:32,760 My phone number. 453 00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:36,664 I mean, if you're ever Feeling really down, 454 00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:38,466 You can call me. 455 00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:42,737 I'm usually there... 24 hours. 456 00:22:42,761 --> 00:22:45,740 I'll remember that. 457 00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,876 Goodbye. 458 00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,133 So long. 459 00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:53,215 Remember to behave yourself. 460 00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:56,451 Don't do anything I'd do. 461 00:22:56,475 --> 00:22:59,554 That's my sense of the ironic. 462 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,398 Nice lady. 463 00:23:09,422 --> 00:23:11,021 Yeah. 464 00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,402 Who knows? 465 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:17,705 When all this blows over, Maybe I'll give her a call. 466 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:20,408 Yeah, it would be a Good jumping-off point. 467 00:23:20,432 --> 00:23:23,434 Hey, listen, as long as We're all being ironic. 468 00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:27,215 Taking him over To bellevue, huh? 469 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:30,952 Yeah, fascinating Character if you do a sequel. 470 00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:32,154 Uh, dietrich? 471 00:23:32,178 --> 00:23:33,188 Yeah. 472 00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:36,091 I... 473 00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:37,915 I need you. 474 00:23:40,052 --> 00:23:41,196 For my book. 475 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,664 Oh, really? 476 00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:46,834 You do lend a certain texture And wit to the narrative, 477 00:23:46,858 --> 00:23:50,205 And, uh... In fact, man... 478 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:51,940 Your character's One of the best things 479 00:23:51,964 --> 00:23:53,741 In the whole damn book. 480 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:56,044 That's very nice Of you to say... 481 00:23:56,068 --> 00:23:57,812 Finally. 482 00:23:57,836 --> 00:23:59,314 Hey, look, man, 483 00:23:59,338 --> 00:24:03,685 Sometimes I get so wrapped Up in myself and my own goals, 484 00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:05,787 I-I-I tend to just, you know, 485 00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:08,990 Forget about other people's Needs and expectations. 486 00:24:09,014 --> 00:24:09,992 So where do I sign? 487 00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:11,181 Oh, right here. 488 00:24:13,352 --> 00:24:16,864 Well, I see you gentlemen Have come to an accord. 489 00:24:16,888 --> 00:24:18,200 Uh-huh. 490 00:24:18,224 --> 00:24:20,202 It's better when Personal differences 491 00:24:20,226 --> 00:24:22,070 Can be settled directly 492 00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:25,006 Without the need for Third-party intervention. 493 00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:28,243 Yeah, you get to avoid all That "Ponderous" advice. 494 00:24:28,267 --> 00:24:30,000 Just quoting.